Monday, May 4, 2015

Damn You, Governor's!!

I know that this is supposed to be a blog about me being active, but I also like to think that this is a bit of a blog about my journey of becoming a healthier person too. I have a lot of friends who have started reading this, and some of them are encouraged by what I share, while others are there to encourage me to continue to push myself. It is because of this support that I feel like it is only fair to be 100% honest when I post these, and for these past 2 weeks, if I am going to be honest, it would be that I did next to nothing. The last really active day that I had was when we climbed Cadillac Mountain. I went up that mountain full of motivation and determination, and it seems as though I left all of it at the top. I knew that the week would be rough because we all had the week off together, and I knew we were using this time as a "vacation" which would mean we were out and about a lot more, which always means eating out a lot more. So, long story short it wasn't a great week for being active, or eating sensibly.

It all started with a damn coupon to Governor's Restaurant for 1/2 off a slice of their chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting. First of all, the word "slice" really doesn't describe the triangular hunk o' diabetes that you get there. Don't get me wrong, it is a glorious thing, but one of their "servings" could probably feed a 3rd world village. It's a behemoth of disgusting beauty, and I was getting it for half price, baby!

This is not an actual picture of the cake, as the real cake wouldn't fit on this blog page.       

It was all downhill (or down-mountain) from there folks! The weather never really materialized to be nice enough to run, and I have been trapped inside the ball of stress that is the last 2 weeks of this spring semester, sitting at a computer writing papers, while my butt ever so slightly starts to resemble what the seat of my chair looks like. My vice has never been alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes, but I could freebase a fresh load of bread or a pan of brownies like I was Keith Richards. This is not a good combination.

By the way, THIS is about how blissed out I was after eating that piece of cake.

Last week I eased myself back into better eating habits, and at least got in my hoop class, and it was HARD. It's almost comical how hard it is to get yourself back on track after you have messed up for a week straight. What I had to keep reminding myself of, was that the whole week that I took off from watching what I was eating, and not exercising, I felt miserable. My body knew I was giving it more junk than fuel, and it wasn't happy. The thing is, you never remember that stuff after the fact, because you are so focused on the mental anguish of feeling like you are depriving yourself in the here and now. These moments can make or break your success. They can completely derail you, and they will. So, I focused on what I really wanted. I wanted to feel good again. I wanted to feel proud of myself again. I wanted to keep wearing clothes I hadn't been able to before. I had to, and will continue to have to, remind myself of these things.

Please know this is from and SNL sketch and not my real-life daily affirmations.

Some people can be the kind of people who go all out, shakes for breakfast, lunch, and a sensible dinner. Some can do the paleo/Atkins no carb/low carb thing. Some can do the whole raw food thing. Some can eat next to nothing and workout like a fiend. I am not these people. I LIKE carbs, I LIKE cooked food, I DON'T want to drink my meals, and if you are going to tell me that my world cannot have the occasional cupcake in it, then I don't want to live here anymore, and I will probably stop calling you a friend because, cupcakes.

I can't sustain myself on one of those diets for the long haul, and my friends, I am in this for the long haul. For me, there has to be a balance to all of this. So, sometimes I am going to screw up and have a week where I do terrible, but when I compare that to the months of doing well, that have helped me lose almost 80 lbs. and more importantly become a healthier person, I have to know that what I am doing for me is right.

Why am I bothering to write all this down? Because we all mess up. So many of us feel like when we do, that's it, we are done. So what if you have gained back what you lost? So what if you have gone backwards and can't run, bike, lift, as much as you used to? It feels terrible when that happens and defeating to know that you have to go back before you can get to where you once were, but these moments are a test. It's great to reach a goal, or a milestone, but to me, a real measure of your strength is when you screw up and then fight your way back instead of letting the defeat take you down for good.

Don't give up. Keep going. We'll get there. And we will celebrate, maybe even with some cupcakes.


  1. You continue to be an inspiration and your honesty makes it real. You also seem to have really figured out what will and what won't work for you personally. Truth be told, diets don't usually work because of what you cannot sustain them.

    I hope you continue this blog even though it will no longer be required as a class project!!
    And I'd love to celebrate with you sometime, with or without a cupcake...

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